Terrible Housewife & Awesome Mother

Terrible Housewife & Awesome Mother

Closet of Shame

Closet of Shame

My Closet of Shame

Have you ever gotten a message from the universe?  You know a hint that maybe you should change something about your life?  Last week everywhere I looked there was something that talked about capsule wardrobes.  When I went to find some shorts for a trip, I couldn’t find a single pair that didn’t make me look like a Canadian Grandma on a walking tour, so I ended up with a couple pairs of capris instead.  I apparently didn’t figure out from the clues the universe was sending me.  Then the Universe started screaming at me.  How did the Universe scream at me you ask?  It made the rods in my closet collapse.  Seriously they just gave up on holding up my clothes and said you know what we are done, you have way too many clothes lady and you need to sort this s**t out.  Yep the Universe is telling me that I need to sort out my closet of shame – loud and clear.

After a quick trip to the home improvement store for replacement closet parts, I am looking for ways to cut down on the amount of clothes in my closet.  I have been using the tips from Spiked Parenting on organizing my house and I am all pumped up to get started.  To prevent this from happening again and to help maintain some of my sanity I am going to have to cut back on what is actually in my closet.  I pulled out everything and made a few piles.  They are pretty distinct piles once I started looking at them.




The Piles

Tee shirts – mostly from Hubby’s travels (he loves when I run around in shirts he has brought me from trips, who am I to say no?)

Soma Outfits – I will be singing the praises of Soma until I die. I love the tunic shirts and leggings, and the sun dresses are the best thing ever.  Everything feels like you are walking around in your pj’s all day.

Office Clothes – Before having Mermaid I worked as an Administrator in corporate offices.  One was super conservative and I had to wear a suit every day.  One was more laid back and I could wear business casual and even break out a pair of jeans on Friday.  But these clothes honestly have not seen the light of day in YEARS people.  YEARS.  Why on Earth would I wear a sheer top with a lace cami, a pair of slacks, and a pair of heels to go to Target for stress vitamins and a bag of chocolate?’

Jeans – I am convinced at this point in my life that jeans were invented by the devil.  A skinny devil that did not have a muffin top that defies any attempt to reign it in.  I have dozens of pairs that I have bought because something magical seemed to be happening in the dressing room, but once I got them home that bubble burst like a balloon at the fair. 

Gym Clothes – I own a small selection of actual work out shirts and pants.  I rotate them for my trips to the YMCA.  I am currently refusing to wear them as every day clothes.  Why? Well see the Soma line above, also because no one needs to see my muffin top in definition at Target. 

Devil Pants – that I can only wear for 3 hours.  Ok ladies we all know that the demon clothes designers have all agreed to put spandex in every bottom that they sell.  No matter what kind of pants, shorts, or skirt I buy I will end up with a saggy diaper butt about 4 hours into wearing them.  It is not a good look for any one much less a 5’ 3” woman who is full figured.  Why can’t they just make bottoms that actually you know maintain their shape for 8 – 12 hours?  I know they did once upon a time I remember them.  I actually refer to the good old days of real pants. 

Sweaters – I have blood so thin they think it is Kool-aid when I have it drawn at the VA.  I am always cold.  Because of that I have a large selection of hoodies, sweaters, and over shirts.  Most of them get a pretty good work out all year long.  Well the large loose ones do.  The tight cardigans not so much. 

My favorite Pieces – currently the list of my favorite pieces is pretty short.  A pair of green loose cargo capri pants, a couple of loose tank tops (one red and one blue with tiny boats printed on in it white), several tee shirts from Hard Rock Café’s (I know you think they should be in the Tee Shirt Pile but these are fitted and ‘girly’ they are completely different from the larger lounge around tees), there was one pair of Gap jeans that I loved but they are currently a little too tight after my trip to Disney and all the desserts it had to offer. 


I need a plan —

Once I had the piles sorted I tried to think about what to do with all these clothes.  Around I need a plan! this time Hubby walked in to help me attach the new closet hardware.  He looked at the piles and then at me and asked what my plan is for all the clothes.  Then he had the nerve to ask if I was going to get rid of some of my purses when I got rid of the clothes.  Umm No.  One doesn’t get rid of purses, they are like gold you keep them forever and have them line your coffin. 

I told him I would get a few plastic tubs and store them in the garage until I decide what to get rid of.  That is when Mr. Helpful reminded me that I already have about 6 tubs of clothes out in the garage full of things “I am going to wear again one day”.  Well that is true, but I am holding out hope that one day after I lose about 60 pounds I am going to fit back into my favorite pair of Arizona jeans.  Its gonna happen people.  I might be 70 when I do it but one day my ass will be back in those jeans.  They never had diaper butt no matter how long I wore them.  Until then everything is back in the closet of shame.  

So now I need an actual plan of how to deal with this mess and the mess I have hidden in my garage and my closet.  The general plan is to create myself a capsule wardrobe.  Donate as much of the clothes as I can, turn some of them into a recycled fashion for myself or the kid, maybe sell something super cute I make in the Etsy store. 

I will keep you updated with what I am trying out.  I know I am not the only one with a closet of shame and a garage full of clothes I may or may not ever fit in again.  So to help save some of your sanity I am going to share how I build my new wardrobe, how I am going to organize all this mess, and how I am going to responsibly get rid of the rest of my stuff.  Until then at least Hubby has rehung the bars in the closet so my clothes aren’t just heaped in the bottom of my closet in piles. 


 If your interested in getting organized to try my affiliate link for the  Home Organization Program from Spiked Parenting !!




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